The Quest


TEASER

Gabrielle awakens on a stormy night in a cave. Xena's sarcophagus.

GABRIELLE
Every night I see it happen. Every morning, I wish
it was a dream. Xena.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena's sarcophagus is tied to Argo.

GABRIELLE
Xena?

A pack of Ruffians enter.

RUFFIAN #1
Well, well, well. I told you she was dead.

GABRIELLE
What do you want?

RUFFIAN #1
Want? Oh, we want to pay our respects.

EXTRA
Right.

RUFFIAN #1
Then we want Xena to pay our way. Xena's dead
body is worth a lot of money to some people.

He moves to the sarcophagus, but Gabrielle hits him with her staff.

GABRIELLE
Back off! I'm warning you.

RUFFIAN #1
Hey, little girl. You think a corpse is worth getting
beaten up for?

GABRIELLE
You tell me. I'm taking her back to her brother.
I promised her.

RUFFIAN #1
You shouldn't make promises you can't keep.

Gabrielle fights the ruffians.

RUFFIAN #1
You just made an enemy.

IOLAUS
What a coincidence, so have you.

He punches Ruffian #1and then moves behind him.

IOLAUS
No, no, here.

Iolaus beats up Ruffian #1.

EXTRA
Let's get out of here!

EXTRA
Run!

The Ruffians run off.

GABRIELLE
Iolaus.

IOLAUS
Fancy meeting you here.

He hugs Gabrielle.

IOLAUS
Hey, I should get this greeting every time I turn up.

Gabrielle starts crying.

IOLAUS
Gabrielle? What is it? Hey. Where's Xena?

Gabrielle moves to show Iolaus the sarcophagus.

END OF TEASER



ACT ONE

Iolaus looks at Xena's sarcophagus.

IOLAUS
I can't believe it.

GABRIELLE
She's gone. She just left me. How could she do
that? She just left. I really wanna hate her for it.

IOLAUS
No. No you don't.

GABRIELLE
But I miss her.

Iolaus hugs Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
There's so many things that I wish I could tell
her. Why didn't I when I had the chance?

IOLAUS
We always think we have plenty of time. We know
people are gonna leave us, but we never face
up to it. What would you have told her?

GABRIELLE
I would have told her how empty my life was before
she came and all the lessons I learned, and that
I love her.

IOLAUS
Gabrielle, you just told her.

He hugs her again.

GABRIELLE
I'm gonna be okay. I have to take Xena to Amphipolis.
She wants to be buried next to her brother.

IOLAUS
I guess I better get back to Hercules before the
word of mouth does.

Iolaus kisses Gabrielle's cheek.

GABRIELLE
Thank you.

Iolaus leaves.

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Gabrielle and Argo move along. Gabrielle sees people moving in the trees.

GABRIELLE
Whoa. Stay, Argo. Show yourself!

Amazons leap down from the trees. Gabrielle gives the peace symbol. The Amazons stand around the sarcophagus and draw their swords. The Amazons touch their swords to their chest and then place them on the sarcophagus. Ephiny removes her mask.

GABRIELLE
Ephiny.

Gabrielle hugs Ephiny.

EPHINY
We're so sorry.

Velasca removes her mask.

EPHINY
The entire Amazon nation is in mourning.

VELASCA
As it should be. Xena was a true Amazon, even
though she denied it. We'd like you to bring her
body back to the village, where we can honour
it with an Amazon funeral fire.

GABRIELLE
A funeral fire? No, I have to take Xena's body back
to Amphipolis, where she can be buried with her
brother. Where's Queen Melosa? I'd like to talk to her.

EPHINY
Melosa is dead.

GABRIELLE
How? Who's the Queen?

VELASCA
I am. For the time being.

EPHINY
Velasca issued a challenge to Melosa and killed
her in combat.

VELASCA
Fair combat. You keep omitting that word, Ephiny.
The tribunal ruled it a fair combat.

EPHINY
Yes, they did, fair combat. But, it doesn't really
matter, now that the Amazon Princess has returned.

VELASCA
That's true. And by Amazon rights, the mask of
Queenhood is, of course yours.

GABRIELLE
Wait a minute. I nee--I need time to think about this.

EPHINY
Come home with us, Gabrielle. You can decide
what to do, later. But now, come stay with me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In a temple. Autolycus moves over to the dagger and reaches out to touch it.

EXTRA
Halt!

AUTOLYCUS
Ah, sorry. Just to touch the beautiful dagger of
Helios. A thousand pardons.

Autolycus moves away, attaching his hook to it. He moves away and pulls the hook. The dagger falls over.

EXTRA
How did it fall?

The Guards run over to the dagger. Autolycus hides in the dagger's storage place, placing a large piece of parchment in front of him, so it looks like the wall.

EXTRA
Stay away.

EXTRA
The Dagger of Helios.

EXTRA
Stand back everybody.

EXTRA
Clear the temple.

EXTRA
Everybody out!

EXTRA
Clear the temple.

EXTRA
Move!

EXTRA
Let's move along!

EXTRA
Clear the area.

EXTRA
Clear it! Move!

EXTRA
That's it, over there.

EXTRA
You all have to leave.

The dagger is placed in its storage place, and everyone leaves. Autolycus breaks out, dagger in hand.

AUTOLYCUS
Ah, another day, another defilement. (to statue)
No offense.

Autolycus swings his hook, but Xena's ululation is heard, and the hook hits the statue, breaking it. Xena's ululation is heard again, and Autolycus is suddenly controlled by Xena (though he doesn't know it) and moves to the statue.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh! Hey! Hello. Oh, this is not good. Oh, it's you,
right? Okay, well I--I can take a hint. Y--y--you
want your dagger back, right?

Autolycus reaches for the dagger in his boot, but Xena doesn't let him, and makes him take a wooden book that is in the statue. Xena's ululation is heard again. Autolycus regains control of his body.

EXTRA
Who's in there?!

EXTRA
Open up!

EXTRA
Break the door down!

AUTOLYCUS
Don't you fail me, now.

Autolycus throws down the wooden book, but Xena's ululation is heard again and she takes control of his body.

EXTRA
Open it!

Autolycus is pulled to the floor and takes the wooden book. Xena gives him control of his body again.

EXTRA
Break it down!

AUTOLYCUS
All right, all right, I get the idea. I think.

He puts the map in his shirt. The guards enter, but Autolycus gets way.

AUTOLYCUS
Ha-ha-ha-ha!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazon village.

VELASCA
Elona, Thalia, finish the preparations on the podium.
Everything must be perfect for the coronation.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle and Ephiny walk along.

GABRIELLE
I don't remember seeing Velasca when I was here.

EPHINY
Ah, Melosa's adopted daughter. When Velasca's
real mother was killed during the first war of the
Centaurs, Melosa raised her as her own. When
Melosa named Terreis heir to the mask, Velasca
challenged it. She was defeated and left the village.
She didn't return until last year.

GABRIELLE
Is she a good leader?

EPHINY
Some think so, because she's strong and talks
about the old days. She's made it clear she wants
to take back the land across the river...Centaur
land. It would mean war. My son and I would
have to make choices. Again.

GABRIELLE
A woman like that shouldn't rule the Amazons.

EPHINY
She doesn't have to. Gabrielle, you still have the
right of caste. She was only Queen in your absence.
Now that you're back, you can take it from her.
She knows it. She can't contest it.

GABRIELLE
No, I have to take Xena home. I can't leave her.

EPHINY
Gabrielle, I'm saying this as someone who's your
friend. Xena is dead. Let us give her a proper
Amazon funeral. When her body is committed
to the flames, her soul will be released to soar.
And, maybe then, you, you can...

GABRIELLE
Let her go.

EPHINY
Yeah.

VELASCA
Gabrielle. Princess, a word with you, please.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Velasca and Gabrielle walk along.

VELASCA
I know how anxious you must be to get home.
The last thing you need right now is this right of
caste business. The mask of Melosa will be retired,
and the new mask of the Queen will be offered to
you. All you have to do to decline is hand it to me.

GABRIELLE
And make you the new Queen?

VELASCA
I'm already Queen. This is just ceremony. Gabrielle,
you have neither the training nor the birthright to
claim the position. I do. It belongs to me.

GABRIELLE
I'll think about it.

VELASCA
You do that. Think hard. Make sure you understand
destiny. I do and I'm the only one to return the
Amazons to theirs.

Velasca walks away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus walks along in a town.

AUTOLYCUS
Choose the one drink you wouldn't give your
worst enemy and give me a double.

The man laughs and hands Autolycus a drink.

AUTOLYCUS
Thank you.

Xena's ululation is heard and Autolycus can't take a drink. The cup falls from his hands.

XENA (voice-over)
Oh, no you don't. I need you sober.

AUTOLYCUS
Who said that?!

XENA (voice-over)
You heard me. Good. That'll make things easier.

Autolycus runs, turning as he looks for the speaker (whom only he can hear).

AUTOLYCUS
"Easier"! Easier for who?! Who are you?! Where
are you?!

XENA (voice-over)
Autolycus, settle down. It's Xena. I'm here with you,
in your body.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, that's ridiculous. Xena's dead. What would
a dead woman want with me?

XENA (voice-over)
I need a favour from the King of Thieves. I want
you to steal my dead body from the Amazons.

END OF ACT ONE



ACT TWO

Autolycus moves over to an apple Vendor. He picks up an apple.

AUTOLYCUS
Well, good day to you, sir. Oh, that's a fine-looking
apple. I'm going mad, you know. Loopy. Strange
in the head. You see, I hear voices.

XENA (voice-over)
Autolycus, listen to me.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, there she is again.

VENDOR
Does she wanna buy an apple?

AUTOLYCUS
No, she wants me to get her body back.

Xena makes Autolycus hit himself.

XENA (voice-over)
Well, don't tell everyone about it!

AUTOLYCUS
It's a secret.

VENDOR
Safe with me.

XENA (voice-over)
Come on.

Xena makes Autolycus grab himself and pull himself along.

AUTOLYCUS
Hello, ladies, I'm quite mad. Top of the morning. Ah!

Xena pulls Autolycus over to a barrel of water, where her reflection appears. Autolycus gets control of his body back.

AUTOLYCUS
Xena? You're the one who's doing this. You're
the one who's controlling my body. Hah-hah!
You were the one who was trying to stop me from
stealing the dagger of Helios.

XENA
Stop you? How do you think you thought of going
there in the first place?

AUTOLYCUS
It wasn't just greedy inspiration?

XENA
No, it was me. Now, listen. I don't have a lot of
energy, and the more you fight me, the less time
I've got. I have only one chance to reunite with my
body and that's if I can get to the ambrosia in time.

AUTOLYCUS
Food of the gods.

XENA
The map in the wooden book shows the way
and the dagger is the key.

AUTOLYCUS
Food of the gods, okay, might be some profit in
that. All right, but here are the rules. No messing
with my limbs or bodily functions unless I say
so, got it?

XENA
Agreed.

AUTOLYCUS
Okay.

XENA
Now what?

AUTOLYCUS
Well, nature's calling. How do you want to handle that?

Xena raises her eyebrow and then moves Autolycus forward by his pelvis.

AUTOLYCUS
Hey, hey, hey.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazon village. Amazons play drums.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Queen's hut. Gabrielle holds the mask.

GABRIELLE (voice-over)
Xena, I'll always love you, but I know I have to let
you go. I always thought of you as my home, and
when you left, I felt so lost. Maybe, my new home
is here.

Ephiny enters.

GABRIELLE
Prepare the ceremonial pyre. Xena will have an
Amazon funeral. I'll take her ashes to Amphipolis
and I'll return to rule as Queen.

Ephiny smiles and leaves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus moves along, disguised as an Amazon.

AUTOLYCUS
I can barely see anything.

He takes off his mask.

AUTOLYCUS
My, my, my. I may just wanna settle here.

XENA (voice-over)
Focus on what we're here for.

AUTOLYCUS
I'm not just leering at scantily-clad women, you
know? I'm working. Notice the hut with the guards.

Autolycus puts his mask back on and moves towards the hut.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazons dance.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle is prepared.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazons dance.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus picks the lock.

AUTOLYCUS
Sounds like the party's already started.

XENA
We don't have much time. Hurry!

AUTOLYCUS
You know, losing your body has done nothing to
improve your patience, has it?

Xena makes Autolycus bang his head.

AUTOLYCUS
That was not necessary. I'm hurrying.

He picks the lock.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazons dance.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle is prepared.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazons dance. Gabrielle, Ephiny and Solari enter. Gabrielle takes the stage. Velasca enters.

SOLARI
The mask of the new Queen.

Gabrielle takes the mask, and moves to put it on. Velasca throws a dagger and pins the mask to a tree.

VELASCA
This is ridiculous! She has no right to wear the
mask of the Queen! She wasn't born of our flesh!
She says she received the right of caste. Or did she?

EPHINY
I was there, Velasca. I heard Terreis give her the caste.

VELASCA
You, Ephiny. Are we to believe someone who
married the enemy, bore his child and left our
people?! What good is your word to an Amazon,
any Amazon?!

GABRIELLE
Quiet!

Gabrielle holds out the mask and the dagger.

GABRIELLE
Take it. Go on.

Velasca takes the dagger, but when she moves for the mask, Gabrielle takes it and puts it on. Velasca storms off.

VELASCA
Ugh! Out of my way!

EPHINY
The new Queen of the Amazons, Gabrielle!

The Amazons cheer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle enters the room with Xena's sarcophagus. She takes off the mask.

GABRIELLE
Xena...look. They made me Queen. Me, the little
girl you found in Poteidaia. It's time that I let you
go. See, I--I have to find my own life. Just as you
were searching for yours. You know, there are
two kinds of tears; tears for those who leave you,
and tears for those who you never let go. And I
won't say goodbye to you, Xena, 'cause we'll be
together again...one day.

Gabrielle kisses Xena's chakram, lays it on the sarcophagus and leaves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus breaks into the room.

XENA (voice-over)
Oh, they're going to light the fire, soon.

AUTOLYCUS
Would you calm down? There's barely enough
room up here for my paranoia.

XENA (voice-over)
What are you gonna do?

AUTOLYCUS
Xena, you lucky girl. You get a front-row seat for
the spectacle that is my gift. The first thing we do
is make them think your body's missing. How,
you ask? The old false floor routine. Spread your
parchment out over your body, loosen the lid, so
it falls off. They look inside, see nothing and the
funeral's called off. Huh! Now, let's see how that
body of yours is holding up.

Gabrielle enters with two guards.

GABRIELLE
Get away from her! Autolycus.

AUTOLYCUS
Now, Gabrielle, wait a minute. I have a very
good explanation.

XENA (voice-over)
Don't try and explain, Autolycus.

GABRIELLE
You're trying to steal Xena's body.

AUTOLYCUS
Hah, it's not what you think it is. Uh, well, actually,
it is what you think, but not why you think.

GABRIELLE
Oh, I know why. More than one warlord would
pay for proof that Xena's dead. I never thought
you would do it, Autolycus.

AUTOLYCUS
Gabrielle, Xena's inside me. Her mind, her soul,
her essence, whatever. It's in here with me and
she wants me to steal her body.

XENA (voice-over)
Ah, that's so pathetic.

GABRIELLE
You're so pathetic. Put him in jail. I'll figure out
what to do with him after the funeral.

Gabrielle leaves.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, for the love of Zeus!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus is tossed in a cell.

SOLARI
Get in there!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena's sarcophagus is carried to the funeral pyre and laid upon it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Cell.

AUTOLYCUS
No one's looking out. Finally, hah! Some luck.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside.

SOLARI
Now.

The arrows are lit. Gabrielle gestures with her hand, and the arrows are shot to the pyre, which starts to burn. Autolycus sneaks along, in his normal clothes.

AUTOLYCUS
Ah, Xena, we're too late.

END OF ACT TWO



ACT THREE

The fire burns.

AUTOLYCUS
So what are we gonna do now?

Xena makes Autolycus pick himself up.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, oh, no, you're not gonna make me go-

XENA (voice-over)
Let go and hold on.

Xena takes control of Autolycus' body.

AUTOLYCUS
"Let go and hold on"? Hey! Ah. Hey. Oh, oh, oh,
Xena! Oh!

Xena leaps onto the pyre and starts kicking away the burning logs.

VELASCA
Stop him!

GABRIELLE
It can't be.

Xena ululates and flips down to fight the Amazons. She whistles for Argo who comes riding in.

VELASCA
Archers, kill him!

GABRIELLE
Wait!

Xena throws the chakram and flips onto Argo.

AUTOLYCUS
Hey!

Gabrielle watches.

GABRIELLE
It is Xena.

Xena uses the whip to grab onto the sarcophagus and then ride off. Gabrielle moves to follow.

EPHINY
Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
I can't explain, Ephiny. I'm sorry.

Gabrielle leaps onto the sarcophagus and they ride off.

VELASCA
Ephiny, organize a war party. Go after them and
bring their bodies back to me.

EPHINY
No, I'll go, but by myself. Gabrielle wouldn't have
done this without a good reason.

VELASCA
She betrayed us! I want Gabrielle dead! Do you
hear me?! Now is the time to show your allegiance!
Gabrielle is a traitor to the nation! I am the rightful
Amazon Queen!

EXTRA
Yes!

VELASCA
Those who stand against me, stand with her.

Several Amazons stand with Ephiny, including Solari, but most are with Velasca.

VELASCA
Take them. They'll die with the traitor.

EXTRA
Come on.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Argo stops. Autolycus and Gabrielle jump down.

GABRIELLE
Looks like we have a bit of a lead on them.

AUTOLYCUS
Ah, well, that was a full day, huh?

GABRIELLE
Autolycus, what is going on? Why is Xena in your mind?

AUTOLYCUS
Oh-ho, now you believe me. Ow! Does she work
out for those stunts?

Gabrielle starts searching Autolycus, trying to see Xena.

GABRIELLE
Where is she?

AUTOLYCUS
I--I don't know. Stop that.

XENA (voice-over)
I'm right here.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, now she's back.

XENA (voice-over)
Autolycus, I'm going to speak through you. Give
me control.

AUTOLYCUS
No, wait, we have an agreement. I have a right-

Xena ululates, taking control of Autolycus' body.

XENA
Yes, Gabrielle, it's me. I want you to do something.
Close your eyes. Close them tightly and think of me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Some sort of other plain.

XENA
Gabrielle. Gabrielle. It's me. I'm not dead.

Gabrielle opens her eyes and sees Xena. She gives a stifled sob. She moves to hug Xena, but Xena holds up her hands.

GABRIELLE
Xena.

XENA
At least, not completely.

GABRIELLE
Why? Why did you leave? There's so many things
I want to say to you.

XENA
Gabrielle, you don't have to say a word. We don't
have much time. I need to get to the ambrosia,
otherwise, I will be gone.

GABRIELLE
Xena, I can't lose you again.

XENA
Gabrielle, I'll always be here.

Xena moves in to kiss Gabrielle.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus' lips are on Gabrielle. Xena gives him control of his body and Autolycus pulls his lips away.

AUTOLYCUS
Well, I hope you two worked things out.

GABRIELLE
We did. Thank you. I mean that.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, certainly, whatever's necessary. I'm here
for you both.

GABRIELLE
Autolycus.

AUTOLYCUS
Huh?

GABRIELLE
Get your hand off my butt.

He does.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, ha-ha-ha. Can you imagine?

Xena makes Autolycus hit himself.

AUTOLYCUS
This is not helping our working relationship. Now
is anyone else concerned that we're being pursued
by a pack of crazed Amazons?

GABRIELLE
You're right.

XENA (voice-over)
Get rid of the sarcophagus.

AUTOLYCUS
Get rid of it? The sarcophagus.

GABRIELLE
She means to hide it.

AUTOLYCUS
Ah, well that should be easy. Where?

GABRIELLE
We could take it to the river. It'll float downstream
and then we'll pick it up later.

XENA (voice-over) AUTOLYCUS
I'm impressed. Well I'm impressed.

AUTOLYCUS
So is Xena.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle and Autolycus enter the cave where the ambrosia is hidden.

AUTOLYCUS
Hah! Hidden in plain sight. That entrance looked
the same as any other cave opening.

GABRIELLE
Hold on. I'll try to light this.

AUTOLYCUS
I think I see something on the other side.

Xena makes Autolycus fall.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh!

Gabrielle lights the torch and all the others light. They see spikes at the bottom of a pit. Vines hang down.

GABRIELLE
If Xena hadn't stopped you...

AUTOLYCUS
A simple warning would have been fine.

GABRIELLE
It looks like they tried to climb up.

AUTOLYCUS
Gabrielle, the design on that rock, it's very peculiar.

XENA (voice-over)
(whispering) The dagger of Helios. The dagger
you stole, Autolycus.

AUTOLYCUS
What? Xena, I can barely hear you.

GABRIELLE
She's getting weaker. We've gotta hurry, come on.

Velasca and several other Amazons enter.

VELASCA
There's no hurry at all. With ambrosia, you have
all the time in the world. And I thought this was
just legend. Now, where is the food of the gods?

AUTOLYCUS
Okay, Xena, this is your department. Take over.

XENA (voice-over)
Autolycus.

They yell. They move to attack Velasca, but she hits Autolycus and they fall back.

GABRIELLE
Autolycus.

Xena's yell is heard.

AUTOLYCUS
She's gone. Xena's gone.

END OF ACT THREE



ACT FOUR

Velasca kisses Autolycus and then hits him. Autolycus has a leash on him.

AUTOLYCUS
Well, nothing quite like a woman's touch.

VELASCA
You're only alive because of the ambrosia, you
know that.

AUTOLYCUS
I was hoping it was my witty repartee.

Velasca hits him.

AUTOLYCUS
Maybe not.

VELASCA
Where is it? Where is the ambrosia? It has
something to do with that hole in the ceiling. You
know, don't you?

AUTOLYCUS
Well, I have a fair idea. But, you see, there's just
one small problem. If I don't tell you, you'll kill me.
And if I do tell you, you'll kill me anyway, become
a god and terrorize the world. So, either way,
there's very little personal gain for me.

VELASCA
It's not whether you die, it's how you die that counts.
Let me tell you something about myself. I like pain.
I like what it does to people and I like what it makes
people do. And I'm not bragging, I'm just explaining.

She picks up some chobos.

AUTOLYCUS
What are you gonna do with those?

Velasca starts to beat Autolycus. He falls to the ground, and Velasca sees the dagger of Helios in his boot.

VELASCA
What is that?

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, uh, that must be my toenail clipper, or-

VELASCA
The Dagger of Helios.

AUTOLYCUS
The Dagger of Helios, one or the other.

VELASCA
This is the key.

Velasca leaves.

AUTOLYCUS
Uh, hey, I paid for an hour.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Autolycus is thrown in the cell.

EXTRA
Come on, get in there!

GABRIELLE
Autolycus?

Gabrielle moves to him, but she touches his broken arm.

AUTOLYCUS
Ooh! Ooh! Ah, ah, ow. No, no, no, no, ah, it's
broke--broke--broke. It's broken.

GABRIELLE
Okay, uh, Ephiny, I need a splint.

AUTOLYCUS
Gabrielle, she's got it. She's got the dagger. And
she's going after the ambrosia.

EPHINY
That's it then. We lost. Now she'll become a god.

GABRIELLE
She hasn't won yet, not as long as there's one
person who can stand up to her.

EPHINY
And what can we do?

GABRIELLE
Ephiny, we can't give up. Don't you see that?
Autolycus, can you get us out of this jail?

AUTOLYCUS
Well, my lockpick's in my other shirt. If only I had
just a small, sort of um...

He looks at Solari and moves over to her.

AUTOLYCUS
Would you put that hand right there?

Solari puts her right hand on her right breast.

AUTOLYCUS
And that hand there?

She puts her left hand on her left breast.

AUTOLYCUS
Now, don't worry, this is business, not pleasure.

Autolycus takes out the clip that holds the bra together, which is now what Solari's hands are doing.

AUTOLYCUS
Well, mostly business. Huh-ha-ha. Hold it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Gabrielle whistles. A guard walks by.

GABRIELLE
Hey! Hey, lady.

EXTRA
What do you want?

GABRIELLE
Come here, come here. I want to tell you this!

Gabrielle hits the guard with the door. The Amazons fight the guards.

GABRIELLE
Ephiny! Go downriver. Find Xena's sarcophagus.
Bring it to the hall of ambrosia.

AUTOLYCUS
Here's a map. I can find my way without it.

EPHINY
Solari.

The Amazons leave.

AUTOLYCUS
Well, in for a dinar, in for a kingdom. Besides,
I've got a little something to settle with that Amazonian,
uh, female.

Autolycus and Gabrielle leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Velasca enters the Hall of Ambrosia.

VELASCA
This is it. This is my destiny. Melosa, you were so
right. I wasn't meant to be Queen. I was meant
to be a god.

She starts climbing. Gabrielle and Autolycus enter.

GABRIELLE
Velasca!

VELASCA
Oh, good. I really did want an audience, Gabrielle.
Someone should witness the birth of a god.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, I can't climb with a broken arm. She's gonna
get the ambrosia.

Xena's ululation is heard and she takes over Gabrielle's body. Xena takes the chakram from Autolycus and uses it to break the vine Velasca is climbing. Velasca grabs another one.

AUTOLYCUS
Let me guess, Xena, right?

XENA
Yes.

She leaps up with a ululation.

AUTOLYCUS
Get up there, Gabrielle, Xena, or whoever you are.

Xena and Velasca race for the ambrosia, fighting along the way. Velasca reaches the stone and puts the dagger in. The ambrosia falls. Xena leaps onto Velasca's vine and shakes it, causing her to drop the ambrosia. It falls, hitting Xena on the way down.

VELASCA
No!

Velasca takes the dagger and moves on them. Xena uses the dagger to cut Velasca's vine and she falls to the ground, on the spikes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The Amazons enter with Xena's sarcophagus.

EPHINY
Gabrielle, I've brought Xena's body, down here.

Gabrielle has control of her body again.

GABRIELLE
Open the sarcophagus. I have to get to Xena.

AUTOLYCUS
Oh, but the ambrosia's been destroyed.

Gabrielle pulls out a piece of ambrosia that caught in her clothes.

GABRIELLE
Not all of it.

The sarcophagus is opened and Gabrielle places the ambrosia in Xena's mouth.

AUTOLYCUS
What now?

GABRIELLE
I don't know.

She takes Xena's hand.

GABRIELLE
Xena. Xena, if you can hear me, come back.
Please, come back.

Xena's head starts to move and she opens her eyes. Gabrielle takes Xena's head in her hands.

XENA
Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
I know. Let's get you out of here.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
A piece of ambrosia falls and Velasca reaches for it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later in the woods. Gabrielle stands with Autolycus and some Amazons.

GABRIELLE
Your timing was impeccable.

AUTOLYCUS
Mm-hmm. As-

AUTOLYCUS and GABRIELLE
-usual.

AUTOLYCUS
Gabrielle, I wish I had as good a friend as Xena does.

GABRIELLE
Ah, that's ni-

Gabrielle touches his arm.

AUTOLYCUS
Ah, hey.

Autolycus moves over to Xena who is sharpening her sword.

XENA
Yes?

AUTOLYCUS
Well, I'm just giving you your chance, to thank me.

XENA
I thought I already did. But, if you need to hear
it again, then, thank you for helping to bring me
back. I--If you ever need a favour, it's yours.

AUTOLYCUS
Bringing you back? Oh ho! No, no, no. I let you
experience what it's like to be Autolycus. You were
in there. You were controlling my bodily functions.
That's not something I do for everyone.

XENA
No, you don't often let people see who you really
are, either. I was in there. I know. Despite all your
bluster and bravado, Autolycus, you're a nice
person. I knew I could trust you. I always will.

AUTOLYCUS
Yes, well...yes, there you have it. Thank you. Uh,
but if it's all the same, I think I'll keep that favour
thing in mind. It might just come in handy one
day for the King of Thieves.

He kisses her hand and leaves as Gabrielle enters.

GABRIELLE
Xena.

XENA
Yeah.

GABRIELLE
Promise me that you'll never die on me again.

XENA
Oh, I promise.

GABRIELLE
You know for a few moments, I knew what it was
like to be you.

XENA
And?

GABRIELLE
It was warm, friendly, loving-

XENA
Gabrielle, it was a fight.

GABRIELLE
I felt protected. The world needs people like that, right?

XENA
Right.

END OF ACT FOUR

STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
Renee O'Connor as Xena

GUEST CAST
Bruce Campbell as Autolycus
Bruce Campbell as Xena
Melinda Clarke as Velasca
Danielle Cormack as Ephiny
Michael Hurst as Iolaus
Jodie Dorday as Solari
David Fitchew as Vendor
Michael Dwyer as Ruffian #1
Kirstie O'Sullivan as Woman
Christian Hodge as Man
Alexander Tant as Xenan

Teleplay by: Steven L. Sears
Story by: Chris Manheim, Steven L. Sears, and R. J. Stewart
Directed by: Michael Levine

Disclaimer: Xena's body was not harmed during the production of this motion picture. However, it took weeks for Autolycus to get his swagger back.