The Dirty Half Dozen


This transcript is dedicated to the memory of Kevin Smith


TEASER

An Athenian Captain runs and then falls to his knees.

ATHENIAN CAPTAIN
Athena! Wh--why? Six thousand men, groups of
Athens. My men, all gone.

Ares appears.

ARES
He's behind you.

The Athenian Captain turns to see Agathon.

ATHENIAN CAPTAIN
What are you? Where did your army come from?
For Athena!

He attacks, but his sword breaks on the armour. Agathon kills him. Ares and Agathon laugh.

AGATHON
Ha-ha. Decent!

Ares laughs.

ARES
Congratulations, Agathon. Your army's done well.

AGATHON
Well? Six thou men, instant legend! You and me,
we work good together. And this metal? There's
no stopping me. Oh, of course, that means no
stopping you, War God.

ARES
I couldn't have given the metal of Hephaestus to
just anyone. It's time for the new generation to
lead the old out of the darkness.

AGATHON
Classic, but don't play salesman, Ares. I know
what you want out of me, and I'll give it to you,
'cause, all I've ever wanted is to rule the world
and this metal gives it to me.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Walsim is lead to the executioner's block.

EXTRA
There he is.

VILLAGER #1
Walsim! Murderer! Assassin! Killer!

EXTRA
You killer, you!

EXTRA
He's a killer!

A whip grabs the ax. A fire starts. Two hooded people run in and save Walsim. He is sent out of town on Argo.

EXTRA
Who is that?!

EXTRA
Fire!

EXTRA
He's getting away!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
His hood is removed. The hooded people are Xena and Gabrielle.

WALSIM
Hah! How's it going, Xena?

XENA
I was hoping you'd remember that trick. I have a
proposition for you. If you refuse, I take you back
to the ax-man.

WALSIM
Sounds pretty one-sided. And if I say yes?

XENA
Chances are you'll die. We're going up against Ares.

END OF TEASER



ACT ONE

Jail.

DARNELLE
Ah, there was no proof I did it.

GUARD #1
He was stabbed with a spear. You were holding
it at the time.

DARNELLE
Well, if you wanna go technical on me.

He's pushed into the cell.

DARNELLE
How's it going, roomies?

MONLIK
You're just as dead as the rest of us.

DARNELLE
Yeah, right. Just remember that, for the time being.

MONLIK
I got no problem with shortening the time.

Xena enters through grate in the floor.

DARNELLE and MONLIK
Xena?!

XENA
Darnelle, Monlik? Down there now!

She holds off the other prisoners as Monlik leaves.

XENA
Glaphyra? I know you're in here.

Glaphyra throws off her cloak.

DARNELLE
Whoa! There was a lady in here?

GLAPHYRA
I'm no lady.

She punches Darnelle and jumps down the hole. Darnelle follows.

XENA
Sorry, gentlemen, this is a private party. Don't
follow unless you wanna be buried alive.

Xena gives her yell and leaves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena opens some blankets with weapons.

DARNELLE
Oooh, nice collection.

WALSIM
Okay, I figure, we got three things in common.
We're all killers, we don't know each other, but,
we all know you. Personally.

XENA
We don't have time for chit-chat or reminiscing,
so I'll do the introductions. Monlik here, was a
master thief, taught Autolycus a thing or two.
Darnelle, I found in a small village, trained him
up to be a gladiator. He was an unbeatable killer.

DARNELLE
Your training was good, my talent was a gift.

XENA
And Walsim? Walsim was the finest assassin I
ever trained. He partnered with Thersites for a while.

WALSIM
You introduced him to me and I hear you offed him.

XENA
Glaphyra? Glaphyra, when I met her, was eager
to see the world. She ended up a slaver, selling
men to traders from the south.

GABRIELLE
Just men?

She looks at Darnelle.

GLAPHYRA
I specialize, but none of this explains why you
brought us here.

WALSIM
Ares. She wants us to go up against Ares.

XENA
If you agree, it's your chance at freedom, maybe
even to start again. If not, I take you back to prison.

DARNELLE
Going up against the God of War is insane. There's
something you're not telling us. What is it?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Village. Men lie dead.

MONLIK
There must be thousands of them over these
hills, the Athenian infantry.

Darnelle picks up a broken shield.

GLAPHYRA
They're all like that, swords, shields, armour, cut
right through. What could do this?

XENA
We're about to find out.

Agathon's men run in and the fight starts. The six's weapons are useless against the armour. Gabrielle does damage with her staff, however.

DARNELLE
Where'd you learn that?!

GABRIELLE
I'm a princess!

Walsim shoots an arrow.

XENA
Walsim, you can't rely on your weapon! It's useless!

Walsim shoots the men where only chain mail covers them. Xena fights with her strength, rather than her weapons. Agathon's men flee.

EXTRA
Come on!

EXTRA
Back to the forge!

XENA
We'd better get going. They'll be back soon with
reinforcements.

WALSIM
Wait a minute. What was that? What were their
weapons made of?

XENA
That's the metal of Hephaestus. Ares stole the
secret and gave it to a warlord named Agathon.
That's what we're up against.

They head out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Agathon's castle. Weapons and armour are being forged. Agathon enters.

AGATHON
Make sure the edges are sharp.

Ares appears.

ARES
Now, all you gotta do is find an army.

AGATHON
You kiddin' me?! Once word gets out about that
Athenian gig, I'll have bad boys bustin' down the
gates to join in. That trick took only a few hundred.
So, what do you say, we march on Athens in a month?

ARES
There's a fire in you I really like, but don't be too
much of a hurrier-

AGATHON
Yeah, yeah, I'm not like Callisto, I can pace myself,
War God. Whoa! Nice 'ceps! Do you work out, or
are all you gods cut?

ARES
You have something else to deal with. Xena,
she's on her way.

AGATHON
Xena?

ARES
Yeah.

AGATHON
The former number one Ares femme, the owner
of the of the chakram?

ARES
Others have made the mistake of underestimating her.

AGATHON
No, no, no, no, War God, nobody underestimates
Xena. They underestimate you. You've got a hot
spot for the killer babe and when push comes
to shove, you follow your, uh, lower instincts,
know what I mean?

Ares laughs.

ARES
You are smarter than you look and you're not
frightened of me. It's annoying, but it sets you
apart from the others I've dealt with.

AGATHON
Except Xena. She didn't cut you any slack, either.
Whatever, I need your word, or whatever it is that
binds you god-types.

ARES
Xena's time with me has ended. I won't intervene.

AGATHON
Good.

Agathon throws a boomerang-like weapon, which breaks some of the other Hephaestus weapons.

AGATHON
Whoa! Ha, 'cause I'm gonna kill her.

END OF ACT ONE



ACT TWO

The six walk along.

XENA
It's getting late. We'll stay here for the night.

GABRIELLE
Okay. All right. Okay, we need to build a fire pit,
grab some wood and, um, get some water for
the morning.

No one moves.

GABRIELLE
Or I can do it.

XENA
Glaphyra and Monlik, start unpacking the tents.
Walsim, dig the fire pit. Darnelle, you're on wood
patrol. Move it. Here.

They all head out to do their work.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena and Gabrielle walk along.

XENA
It is gonna be a long night. I'll have to stay up and
keep an eye on them.

GABRIELLE
You afraid they might run?

XENA
Well that and their habit of killing people.

GABRIELLE
Huh! Why don't you do a rotation? Each one can
take a turn watching the other? Murderers guarding
murderers, that's not a good idea.

XENA
Maybe not.

GABRIELLE
Can I ask you something? These people, all of
'em, were they murderers before you met them?
I mean, it seems like, maybe they-

XENA
Gabrielle, it was me. I changed them. Before
they met me, they were-

GABRIELLE
They were like me, real people, maybe even good
people. Walsim, I--I could see him as a farmer
at one time.

XENA
He was a carpenter.

GABRIELLE
I wonder, what would have happened if I had
met you before, before you know...

XENA
Gabrielle, I could never see you as being evil.
There is a difference between them and you.

GABRIELLE
What difference? Xena, I have changed so much
since I met you. I wonder how much of that is timing.

XENA
Does it really matter?

GABRIELLE
Am I really who I am? Or am I what you made me?

XENA
We better get going. If I'm gonna stay up all night,
I wanna get an early start.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena and Gabrielle enter.

GABRIELLE
Okay, are you from the land of Nomidia?

XENA
Nope.

GABRIELLE
Are you-

Walsim, Darnelle, Glaphyra and Monlik stand in a circle, weapons drawn on each other.

XENA
All right, now, you listen up. We've got a couple
of days ahead of us, before we get to Agathon's
castle and we need to get this started out right. So,
you just forget all about the fact that you are all
murderers who would kill anyone in their sleep,
especially one another, all right? All right.
(to Gabrielle) They can be a team tomorrow.
Tonight, I get some sleep.

GABRIELLE
What...

Gabrielle follows Xena.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena sleeps. The four still stand with their weapons on each other. Gabrielle wakes up.

DARNELLE
This is crazy.

GLAPHYRA
So put down your weapon.

DARNELLE
You first.

GABRIELLE
Murderers guarding murderers, it was a good
idea. Hmm.

Gabrielle goes back to sleep.

WALSIM
All right, weapons down on the count of three.
One, two, three.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Rosters crows. The four all stand half awake, weapons still on each other. Gabrielle wakes up.

GABRIELLE
Ah, another day. Rise and shine! I guess I'm
really a morning person. Can we lower the weapons,
at least over breakfast?

They do.

WALSIM
I know why I'm here. I know why they're here.
But what are you here for? Emergency food?

GLAPHYRA
Lay off her, Walsim!

DARNELLE
Yeah, she's a princess. Besides, I can think of
one reason to have her around.

Glaphyra throws her knife at Darnelle, who blocks it. Glaphyra draws another. Xena jumps down from a tree.

DARNELLE
So! You were talking about breakfast, huh?

GLAPHYRA
(to Xena) Why do we need these men? Just the
two of us, we can do this. Oh, and your friend, if
you really think we need her.

XENA
I need everybody.

GLAPHYRA
Do you know what men are like? They can't be
trusted at their word.

Gabrielle waves her hand in front of Monlik.

GABRIELLE
Xena? He's dead.

Everyone looks at him.

WALSIM
Poison, I'll bet. One of you poisoned him.

DARNELLE
You're the one with the cross-bow. Maybe we
should look for an arrow in his back.

WALSIM
Maybe you wanna look for one in your chest.

Xena snaps her fingers in front of Monlik's face and then lightly slaps him.

XENA
Monlik, wakey-wakey.

Monlik wakes up.

MONLIK
What?

DARNELLE
Yeah, we stay up all night, he sleeps like a baby.

XENA
All right, we got a lot to do, so we're going to split
up. Glaphyra and Darnelle, there's a village not
far back. I want you to get some supplies that
we need but, I want you to buy them.

Xena throws a bag of money at him.

DARNELLE
Now, if I had my choice of partners, here-

XENA
You don't. Monlik and Walsim, I need you to go
ahead to the castle. Monlik, I want a complete
map of the interior.

MONLIK
Done, but it's gonna take a while to get there.

WALSIM
And what's the great Xena going to be doing?
Seems like you might wanna come with us.

XENA
We need a diversion. I'm gonna see King Gregor
and ask him to mobilize his army. Agathon has
to believe that he's under attack. All right, we
meet back here before the sun is high.

Monlik and Walsim leave.

DARNELLE
After you-

Glaphyra takes the money as she walks by.

DARNELLE
Ow!

GABRIELLE
I don't think I've ever been a part of a true disaster before.

XENA
You are such a cynic.

Xena and Gabrielle leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darnelle and Glaphyra walk along, Darnelle holding up his javelin.

DARNELLE
You know, I used one just like this to win the finals
at Magar. Huh, Xena was really proud of me back
then. Of course, I nailed one of the judges with
my second throw.

GLAPHYRA
Boys and their toys.

Darnelle laughs.

DARNELLE
I'll take that as a compliment. This is essential
equipment.

GLAPHYRA
To your ego! And a spear, no less! Could you be
a bit more obvious?!

DARNELLE
Actually, it's a javelin. Now, do I sense more than
just a little anger toward me 'cause I'm a man?

GLAPHYRA
And why not? Men are all the same. They use you,
they betray you and they spit you out! They're only
as good as what you can get out of them.

DARNELLE
Oh, as opposed to the sweet, ungrateful creatures
of the earth that women are. We protect them,
we feed them, we clothe them, we give them a
purpose for being. And this is the gratitude?

GLAPHYRA
You were born of a woman!

DARNELLE
I was born of a man. I was delivered by a woman.
How would you like those apples, sweetcheeks, huh?

Glaphyra tries to punch him, but Darnelle grabs her fist and laughs. Glaphyra knees him in the family jewels.

DARNELLE
I only meant it as an observation, not as an insult.
And, uh as for the apples-

He knocks one out of a tree with his javelin.

DARNELLE
-how'd you like one?

Glaphyra takes a bite of the apple, and then starts to kiss and lick his hand. Suddenly Glaphyra shoves the apple into his face.

GLAPHYRA
Men are so easy.

Glaphyra walks off and Darnelle follows.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darnelle and Glaphyra enter.

GLAPHYRA
Everything you asked for.

DARNELLE
Bought, not stolen. Sorry we didn't bring back
any change.

XENA
Gregor has agreed to use his army to help us,
but we have to move fast. Monlik, how does it
look inside the castle?

MONLIK
Bad, very bad. Anyone trying to break in will
be slaughtered.

GABRIELLE
This is happy news.

XENA
We have to get inside the castle, into the armory,
quickly. Monlik's map will help us with that.

MONLIK
Well, that's something we need to talk about.
You see, as I was climbing around that castle I
realized I'm the key.

XENA
What are you getting at?

MONLIK
Simple, the secret to that metal's worth a lot of
money. Now, the old Xena, she would've been
the first to realize that. The new Xena, well, she's
more interested in stopping Ares. Or maybe,
giving this secret to everybody. Now, that would
level the playing field, wouldn't it? The problem
is there's no profit in it for us, just the risk of
being killed.

XENA
Your reward is in your freedom and the choices
that you can make afterward.

MONLIK
She's wrong! Because I have the knowledge
she needs. And without it, everything stops right
here, unless, of course, you wanna try to stop us.
Either way, your plan fails.

END OF ACT TWO



ACT THREE

XENA
Don't make this mistake, Monlik. I'm giving you
your chance.

MONLIK
To do what? Become like you? Roam the
countryside, helping people? Dragging around
with me some half-starved kid pretending she's
a friend? Well, I don't think so.

XENA
Very well. If that's the way you feel, you can go. I'll
come after you later. But right now, I want that map.

MONLIK
Ha-ha.

Monlik turns to leave, but then throws an ax at Gabrielle. Xena moves Gabrielle and the ax plants into the tree. Xena and Monlik fight. Monlik gets impaled on the ax in the tree.

DARNELLE
That's gotta be uncomfortable.

WALSIM
Great! Now, how're we gonna get in?

XENA
Well, we'll just have to think of something else.
Go pack up our things. Now!

All leave but Xena and Gabrielle.

GABRIELLE
Xena-

XENA
They did nothing. Did you see that? If they
had'a joined me or backed up Monlik, that would've
been something. I need to know if they can work
together as a team.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Night. Gabrielle wakes up.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Walsim, Glaphyra and Darnelle gather in the woods.

WALSIM
All right. Without Xena, let's talk. I don't think we
have a chance in Tartarus without that map.

GLAPHYRA
Xena thinks there's another way.

DARNELLE
Xena also thinks she can go up against Ares.
We're all a little shaky on that one, right?

WALSIM
Yeah, look, we all know Xena. Or at least, we knew
her. We know her strengths and her weaknesses.

GLAPHYRA
What's your point?

WALSIM
My point is, that she can take us all on individually
but, together it wouldn't be that easy. What if I had
a plan?

Xena jumps in.

XENA
Is this a private get-together, or can anyone join in?

DARNELLE
Oh, nothing private. Walsim, here, was just telling
us, uh, what he saw in Agathon's castle.

XENA
Oh.

DARNELLE
Defenses and all.

GLAPHYRA
Yeah, we were just talking about our chances.

XENA
Well, we better get to sleep. We'll see Agathon's
castle soon enough. Hm-mm.

The three leave.

XENA
It's about time you showed up.

Ares appears.

ARES
What is it about me? You always seem to know
when I'm around. I must have a certain...presence,
around you.

XENA
You say presence, I say stench.

ARES
Oh! Ow!

He makes a flaming "1" in the air.

ARES
Score one for the Warrior Princess.

XENA
You were wrong to give the metal of Hephaestus
to Agathon.

ARES
I...

He waves hand at flaming "1" making it disappear.

ARES
I did it for the sake of peace.

XENA
Peace through slaughter.

ARES
Doesn't matter. Agathon is brash, obnoxious,
disrespectful and smart, very smart, much like
the young Xena I took under my wing.

XENA
That can't be good for you. I wasn't the easiest
warrior you ever dealt with.

ARES
No, no, you never let me get away with anything.
You had the nerve to question me and you never
took what I said at face value.

XENA
Funny that.

ARES
Well, neither does Agathon. He looks for answers
beneath the obvious. Example? He knows Gregor's
army has no intention of attacking. Agathon's
kept his army in the castle. Give this up, Xena. I'm
not gonna make any deals this time. I promised
Agathon I would not interfere. If you attack, he's
gonna kill you.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena's hand puts something in Darnelle's mouth, and then drags him out of the camp.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Day at Agathon's castle. A bottle hits the wall, and makes a flame. A guard ducks. Gabrielle and Darnelle throw more throughout the scene. Walsim kills a guard. Xena moves to the wall. Glaphyra throws knifes into the wall, which Xena uses to climb. Darnelle throws a javelin.

WALSIM
Make it look good.

Walsim uses an arrow to break the lock. Darnelle throws a rock to open the gate on the window. Xena uses the javelin to swing onto the gate, which she then uses to get inside.

DARNELLE
(to Gabrielle) Keep going.

Darnelle and Walsim leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena climbs up a pipe.

WARRIOR #1
There she is!

Xena throws her chakram at Warrior #1. Suddenly the gates close over the pipe, trapping Xena. Agathon picks up the chakram from Warrior #1's chest.

AGATHON
Hey, Xena! Lookey what I found. Your chakram
sure would come in handy right now. I guess
you've gotta pick your back-up better.

Walsim and Darnelle step into view.

WALSIM
Sorry, Xena. You offered freedom. Agathon offered cash.

He laughs.

END OF ACT THREE



ACT FOUR

Xena, Gabrielle and Glaphyra are in a cage, the bars made of Hephaestus' metal. Walsim and Darnelle enter.

WALSIM
I told you I had a plan. You should've been more
like Darnelle, Glaphyra. If you'd come to me and
wanted in, well, maybe you'd be out here with us.

DARNELLE
Ah, officers in the new army of Ares.

GLAPHYRA
I suppose it's too late to consider my options.

DARNELLE
Oh, way late.

Glaphyra reaches out to grab him. Darnelle catches her arm, kisses it and then throws it back at her.

WALSIM
(to Warrior #2) Do not get near the bars, and don't
take your eyes off 'em, especially Xena.

They leave.

GLAPHYRA
I thought Darnelle might've been different. I
should've known.

GABRIELLE
Different? You mean, from all the other cutthroats,
thieves, murderers.

GLAPHYRA
No, little girl. Check the arrangement. Do you
see any men in this cell?

GABRIELLE
I'm not a little girl and I have met some good men.
I married one.

GLAPHYRA
Yeah? And how long was he good? I notice he's
not with you now. Maybe he lost interest. Or maybe
he decided to find another conquest.

Gabrielle slams Glaphyra into the bars and holds her there with an elbow.

GABRIELLE
Maybe he was murdered.

Xena touches Gabrielle's arm and Gabrielle moves aside.

XENA
By Callisto. A woman.

Xena shakes the bars.

GLAPHYRA
I've tried them already. They're made of that same
metal. She hasn't seen much of the world, has she?

XENA
Gabrielle's been through more than you'd think.
Yes, more than you. And despite everything,
she doesn't carry hatred toward others. Good
people don't.

She tries the bars again.

GLAPHYRA
And the bad people?

XENA
The bad people are us, Glaphyra, who I was,
who you are. You know, you're so quick to blame
everything on men you have never once looked
inside yourself for the answers. It's something
that I had to learn. Gabrielle is a good teacher.
Who knows? If--if I had met her back when I met
you, maybe it'd be me who changed.

Glaphyra moves over to Gabrielle.

GLAPHYRA
What was his name?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
In the forge.

AGATHON
Gives you a happy, doesn't it? All these toys and
nothing else like them, except this.

He holds Xena's chakram.

AGATHON
Without this puppy, Xena's just another wanna-be Agathon.

WALSIM
We'd like to discuss our agreement.

DARNELLE
Especially the cash.

AGATHON
The cash comes later, after the conquering and
general mayhem, you know? Meanwhile, chill!
Pick out some hardware. Go kill a peasant. Relax.

Agathon leaves.

WALSIM
We are set for life.

Darnelle walks over to one of the blacksmiths who is using a chain to cut the metal of Hephaestus.

DARNELLE
So, I guess, uh, I guess that chain must be made
of Hephaestus' metal too, or it wouldn't cut through
it, right?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Darnelle enters the jail room.

GLAPHYRA
I want you to know, when I kill you, it won't be
because you're a man.

DARNELLE
Oh really? Well it should be, 'cause I am a man. A red-blooded,
two-fisted, we-rule-the-world-whether-you-like-it-or-not man.

Xena reaches out and grabs Darnelle's neck.

WARRIOR #2
Hey! Get away from the bars!

Warrior #2 runs up the cell, but Darnelle grabs him and throws him to the bars. Xena knocks him out.

DARNELLE
You didn't have to be that convincing!

XENA
Oh.

Darnelle gives Xena the chain that can cut the bars. She gets to work.

XENA
Which way to the armoury?

DARNELLE
Okay, down that hallway, and through double
doors. And the furnace is there, just like you said,
along with all the weapons we need, if we can
get to 'em.

GLAPHYRA
This is all part of a plan?

They get out of the cell.

XENA
I convinced Darnelle to sell us out.

DARNELLE
Ah, it wasn't much of a sale, actually.

GABRIELLE
Xena needed to get in. What better way than to
get captured?

Xena and Gabrielle leave.

GLAPHYRA
Look, Darnelle, I didn't know-

DARNELLE
Ah, no, no, no, no, you owe me an apology. You
owe me big. And don't worry about forgetting it,
I won't let you.

Darnelle kisses Glaphyra and leaves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena and the others enter the armoury. Xena sees her chakram hanging on the wall. A fight begins. Xena blows fire. Gabrielle kicks some butt.

DARNELLE
Hey! That's not how a princess fights!

GABRIELLE
Amazon Princess!

The fight continues. Xena gets her chakram. Xena takes the Hephaestus weapons, and continues to fight, killing the warriors. Darnelle saves Glaphyra during the fight. Walsim shoots an arrow at Darnelle, but Xena catches it. Walsim runs out.

XENA
Leave him! We don't have time for this. This is
a blast shield. If it were to plug up the furnace,
the whole castle would go up.

GABRIELLE
Let's do it!

XENA
First, all the weapons in here.

DARNELLE
You're kidding!

XENA
Do it.

They throw all the weapons in the fire.

GLAPHYRA
That's it!

DARNELLE
What about the warriors?!

XENA
With Gregor out on the battlefield, Agathon's
brought all his troops inside the castle. They go
when the castle goes. Step back!

Xena brings down the bowl over the fire, and it blocks the flames.

GABRIELLE
Let's get out of here!

Agathon enters.

AGATHON
No!

Agathon throws his boomerang-like weapon, which cuts Darnelle's leg.

DARNELLE
Why does everyone want to kill me?!

AGATHON
(to Darnelle) Your death will take a very long,
painful time, because you didn't just betray
me! You betrayed him!

Ares appears. Ares brings Darnelle flying over to his feet.

XENA
Intervening directly, Ares? That's not your style.
I thought Agathon was supposed to be your
ultimate warrior!

AGATHON
You've got it and your blood is gonna to prove it!

XENA
Gabrielle, Glaphyra, get out.

GABRIELLE
I'm not leaving!

GLAPHYRA
Like she said! Besides, we have to protect our
men, don't we?!

XENA
How about it, Ares? You don't want second-best
to rule your empire. If you have to bail him out
now, he's just not the right one.

AGATHON
Don't listen to her garbage! You know I'm the
one! I don't have to prove anything!

ARES
Agathon, I gave you my word I wouldn't intervene.
This is between the two of you.

AGATHON
That's just fine with me, War God. I don't need
your help. Just don't get in the way.

Xena and Agathon stand, their hands ready to grab their weapons. Agathon throws his boomerang-like weapon, but Xena throws her chakram. The chakram breaks Agathon's weapon, which flies back in pieces and cuts his face, killing him.

XENA
Come on! It's gonna blow!

GABRIELLE
Come on!

GLAPHYRA
Darnelle! Come on. Let's go.

XENA
Stand clear of the door!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena, Darnelle, Glaphyra and Gabrielle run out of the castle as it explodes.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Later. Xena and Gabrielle stand before Darnelle and Glaphyra. Darnelle is leaning on a crutch.

XENA
If you wanna go back to the way you were, it's
your choice.

DARNELLE
Yeah, but at least we have a choice. I mean,
I'm not saying I'm gonna follow the straight and
narrow, but, well, I got some thinking to do.

GLAPHYRA
Yeah, me too. (to Gabrielle) You look after Xena, okay?

GABRIELLE
I will.

DARNELLE
See you later, Princess.

He bows then looks at Glaphyra.

DARNELLE
So! I'm heading east. How about you?

GLAPHYRA
Seems like as good a direction as any. I think I
can put up with the company. For a while.

DARNELLE
Don't go falling in love with me, now!

GLAPHYRA
I'd sooner fall for a toad.

DARNELLE
Well, it's a start!

They leave.

GABRIELLE
You started off with four and you redeemed two.
All things considered, it's not bad odds.

XENA
Ain't that somethin'? I've got that answer to your
question. Are you who you are, or are you who I
made you?

GABRIELLE
And?

XENA
You're Gabrielle, bard, Amazon Princess, best
friend. Nobody made you who you are, it was
already there. The question is who would I be
without you?

GABRIELLE
Hmm, I can answer that. You'd still be heroic
Xena. You were on that path when we met.

XENA
Are you crazy? Without you to keep me on the
straight and narrow-

GABRIELLE
You'd have managed.

XENA
Hey!

GABRIELLE
Just not as well.

XENA
Hang on a minute.

END OF ACT FOUR

STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle

GUEST CAST
Kevin Smith as Ares
Charles Mesure as Darnelle
Katrina Hobbs as Glaphyra
Jon Brazier as Walsim
Jonathon Roberts as Agathon
Stephen Ure as Monlik
Peter Ford as Villager #1
Roy Snow as Athenian Captain
Adam Schlooz as Guard #1
Amron McCormack as Warrior #1
Campbell Rousselle as Warrior #2

Written by: Steven L. Sears
Directed by: Rick Jacobson

Disclaimer: No Convicts were reformed during the production of this motion picture. Can't we all just get along?