Coming Home


This transcript is dedicated to the memory of Kevin Smith


TEASER

Forest. Soldiers march along. Amazons sneak around in the trees.

EXTRA
Did you hear something?

The soldiers stop. Varia and Marga exchange glances.

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Xena, Gabrielle and Eve walk along.

EVE
Ares' message said to meet him here? In these woods?

XENA
That's right.

GABRIELLE
Do you think he's calling in a favour?

EVE
We do owe him.

XENA
We owe him everything. He gave up his immortality
for us. For the God of War there's no greater sacrifice.

GABRIELLE
Maybe he wants to see you again. After all, he
does have a thing for you.

XENA
Na-a, he wants something.

GABRIELLE
My point exactly.

EVE
Weren't these Amazon lands at one time?

GABRIELLE
They still are. Why do you ask?

EVE
No reason.

They come over a hill to see the forest has been burnt down. A few small fires still burn.

XENA
What happened here?

GABRIELLE
Who would destroy the Amazon forest?

A man screams.

XENA
Let's go.

They run towards the sound.

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The Amazons fight Ares' army.

VARIA
Yah!

The Amazons fight Ares' army.

MARGA
Varia, let's go! There's too many of them!

The Amazons keep fighting.

XENA
A-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.

Everyone turns to see Xena. Xena give a yell and flips into the battle, kicking two soldiers as she lands. Gabrielle joins the battle. A soldier knocks Marga to the ground and raises his sword.

EVE
Yah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!

Eve flips in and defeats the soldier. Marga and Varia stare at her. Eve joins the battle, but does not use a weapon.

EXTRA
To Ares' camp!

EXTRA
Move!

The soldiers run off.

EXTRA
Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha! You call that fighting?!

Varia yells and the Amazons cheer. An Amazon moans in pain on the ground and Eve moves to help her.

EXTRA
You're all right.

MARGA
We don't often have such welcome strangers on
our land. Thank you.

GABRIELLE
We're glad we could help, but we're not strangers.

VARIA
Yeah. (looks at Eve) That one looks familiar.

Eve is bandaging the wounded Amazon.

MARGA
I am Marga, Queen of the Amazons. This is Varia,
my second-in-command.

XENA
Xena, Gabrielle, Eve.

MARGA
No strangers indeed. Gabrielle, you are an Amazon
queen yourself.

VARIA
Xena, it's said that you have the power to kill gods.

MARGA
I hope that it's true. We have one more for you.

XENA
Who?

MARGA
Ares. The God of War.

END OF TEASER



ACT ONE

The Amazons walk along with Xena, Gabrielle and Eve.

GABRIELLE
Why would Ares attack the Amazons?

XENA
Why would he send for me?

GABRIELLE
It makes no sense. He knows you wouldn't fight
them, right?

XENA
I don't know what he knows. Gabrielle, I'm gonna
head back and check out his army, find out how
strong he is. You talk to Marga. Get all the information
you can.

GABRIELLE
Right.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares' camp. The soldiers return. Ares is looking over the land. His Captain joins him.

CAPTAIN
Uh, Lord-

ARES
Sh. Sh. Did you find the Amazon camp?

CAPTAIN
Uh, no Lord Ares. We were ambushed. We had
them defeated and then reinforcements showed up.

ARES
So you let a few Amazons stop you.

CAPTAIN
"A few?" No. There were dozens of them, sir. We
need more men.

ARES
Bad answer.

He punches him.

ARES
No more excuses! I want that village!

CAPTAIN
But sir, why don't you use your powers to blast
them into oblivion?

ARES
Where's the fun in that? Now, get moving. I want
those Amazons on their knees by the end of the
day. Go!

They leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares enters his tent and kisses his sore hand. A fly buzzes around him. Ares tries to hit it, but fails. The fly lands on a bowl of grapes. Ares holds up his hand to blast it, but he has no powers. He turns as though walking away, then yells and brings his hand down on the grapes. He missed the fly. Alecto enters, disguised as Xena. She laughs and Ares turns to see her at the entrance to his tent.

ALECTO
The great God of War can't even hurt a fly.

ARES
Xena, you came.

The fly flies past Alecto and she catches it out of midair.

ALECTO
Lucky for you. That fly nearly hadja.

She drops the fly and steps on it.

ARES
I'm calling in a favour. I think you know what I'm
talking about.

ALECTO
Yeah. So, spit it out. What do you want?

ARES
I want my godhood back.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazon village. The Amazons practice.

GABRIELLE (voice-over)
Marga, why do you think that Ares is attacking
the Amazons?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Marga's tent.

MARGA
Well, we've always had an uneasy rapport, but
suddenly he wants to wipe us out.

GABRIELLE
Is there something that you have that could be
of use to him?

MARGA
It's a mystery. All we have is our land. But he's
destroyed most of it.

VARIA
He's reduced us to living like bandits in our own
forest. But he will never defeat us. We will defend
what's left, to the death.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares' tent.

ARES
I don't do mortal at all well. I'm more of a, um,
now what is that word? Um, god.

ALECTO
So you want the Amazons' ambrosia.

ARES
They do have it! I knew it! My sister Artemis came
to me in a dream from the other side. She told me
they got a secret stash. Oh, they don't admit it to
anybody, but they got it.

ALECTO
They'll never give it up Ares. Not to you.

ARES
And that is where you come in. Oh, they trust you.
You go in, get the ambrosia. No one has to go to war.

ALECTO
"No one has to go to war." I'll pretend I didn't hear that.

She moves over to him.

ALECTO
I've got a better idea. You give me control of your
army, I go in and squish that little Amazon village
and after that, getting the ambrosia won't be a
problem. Besides, I'm looking forward to a little war.

ARES
Xena, you sound like your old self. Oh, this is
too easy. What're you up to?

ALECTO
Do I have to be up to something? This greater
good thing gets old, right?

ARES
Never tried it.

ALECTO
Sure ya did. Aren't you regretting giving up your
godhood? Having to depend on others to do things
for you? Bleeding like a stuck pig?

ARES
Well, now you mention it.

ALECTO
And to ask me for help?

ARES
Yeah, that sucked.

ALECTO
And all because you did a-

She smacks his head.

ALECTO
-good deed. Was it worth it?

ARES
Let me get back to you on that one.

Alecto chuckles and kisses him.

TISIPHONE
What are you doing?

They look to see Tisiphone, disguised as Gabrielle.

ARES
To think I actually saved your life.

TISIPHONE
Xena.

ALECTO
Gabrielle. I thought you were watchin' the Amazons.

TISIPHONE
The Amazons know what you want. They're not
giving it up.

ALECTO
Then we'll just have to take it from them.

Tisiphone is quiet for a moment, then smiles.

TISIPHONE
Yeah. They're weak. It won't take much.

Tisiphone sits next to Ares.

ARES
What happened to the peace-loving blonde chick
you used to be?

TISIPHONE
Ares-

She sits on his lap.

TISIPHONE
-that Gabrielle's been gone a long time. You and
Xena showed me that warriors rule the world.
Not philosophers.

Ares yawns and reaches over his arms to put one around each woman.

ARES
I could get used to this. I could.

ALECTO
Hm-m.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazon village. The Amazons train. Eve watches them.

EXTRA
Come on! Order! Keep it low! Keep lower! Keep
it up! Keep it up!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eve remembers Roman soldiers slaughtering Amazons.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Amazon village. Varia joins Eve.

VARIA
I can't place where I've seen you before.

EVE
Maybe I have a common look.

VARIA
Yeah, right. You showed some nice moves when
we were fighting earlier.

EVE
I was just trying to keep people from getting hurt.

VARIA
That's a strange thing to do in the middle of a battle.

EVE
I don't fight.

VARIA
You travel with those two but you don't fight? You
fought before. I could tell by the way you move.
You have experience.

EVE
Look, I don't talk about my past.

VARIA
All right. Let's stick with the present. There's not
many of us left. We need good fighters for the
battle ahead. So either you can join us in the
fight against Ares-

EVE
No. No, I can't do that.

VARIA
Then you can fight me, now. Come on. Hit me.

EVE
I'm not looking for trouble.

VARIA
I live for trouble.

EVE
Believe me, you don't wanna make me angry.

Eve walks away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares is in his tent. He stands with his eyes closed and a dagger in his hand. A fly buzzes around him.

ARES
Fear not, friend fly. There is no dishonor in defeat.
For I am the God of War!

The fly lands on an orange and Ares sticks the dagger through both the fly and the orange. Magaera, disguised as Eve puts her arms around Ares' shoulders.

MAGAERA
Did you forget me so soon? I didn't always take
second place to Xena, remember?

ARES
Well, well, well. The chip off the old block. Do I
hear jealousy?

MAGAERA
I should be leading your army. Not her.

ALECTO
Get in line.

They turn to see Alecto disguised as Xena and Tisiphone disguised as Gabrielle.

ARES
Oh, this just gets better and better. (to Eve) Say
what happened to your new path?

MAGAERA
I got over it. Those Amazons really rub me the
wrong way. So, when do we start?

ARES
I'll tell my commander to prepare for an all-out assault.

Ares snaps his fingers and nothing happens.

ARES
I have got to get that ambrosia. I will never get
used to walking everywhere.

ALECTO
Oh and Ares, when we do get the ambrosia, why
don't we split it four ways? We could create
Olympus on Earth.

ARES
Four ways? Nasty. Sounds great. You know, when
I told my commanders that I had sent for you,
they thought I was crazy. Can you imagine? Here
I am spinning brilliant and those idiots think I'm
insane! What a joke!

Ares leaves.

ALECTO
If he's not insane, then I'm not a Fury.

Alecto morphs into her true form. She laughs. The other Furies morph back to their true forms as well.

TISIPHONE
Xena and Ares, one against the other.

ALECTO
One of them has to die, maybe both. Then the
Olympians will be avenged and the path will be
clear for us to rule mankind. Yeah. Yeah.

They laugh.

END OF ACT ONE



ACT TWO

Ares' camp.

EXTRA
Attention!

Ares steps out of his tent with the Furies, who are disguised as Xena, Gabrielle and Eve. Armorer moves over to Ares with chest armour. Only Ares can see the Furies.

ARMORER
Lord Ares! Lord Ares! I finished it.

ALECTO
What's that?

ARES
My new armour.

ARMORER
Yes, Lord.

ALECTO
Well, what's it for?

Ares' men and the Armorer think he is talking to himself.

ARES
Can't be too careful. Know what I mean?

ARMORER
Beg pardon, my lord?

TISIPHONE
People might wonder what the God of War needs
with that.

ARES
You think?

ARMORER
Oh, no sir. I--I try not to.

ALECTO
Yeah, she's right, ya know. If people find about
your little problem-

Xena grabs his hand and crunches it. Ares' groans. The Armorer looks at him in confusion.

ALECTO
Might be trouble.

ARES
Sh-h! Not so loud.

ARMORER
Uh-uh. Oh, beg your pardon, uh, my lord.

ARES
(to Alecto) Ya got a point there.

ARMORER
Uh, I have? I thought I filed them all down.

ALECTO
Get rid of it, Ares. Remember, you're invincible.

ARES
Yeah. I changed my mind. Scrap it.

ARMORER
But, sir, I-I--I-

ARES
Did you hear me?! What does the God of War need
with armour?! Now, get lost! (to Alecto) Stay here.

The Armorer stops.

ARES
I'll get my sword. We can start the attack.

Ares looks at the Armorer.

ARES
I told you to get lost!

The Armorer leaves.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The real Xena and Gabrielle enter Ares' tent.

ARES
I thought I told you to wait outside.

XENA
You haven't told us anything yet. What's going on?

ARES
I am getting my sword, just like I told you. "Ares,
ditch the armour. Ares, what's going on?" Honey,
sweetie, I love you, but you are suffocating me.
Now, get ready. We're gonna roll right over those
Amazons just like you said.

GABRIELLE
Ares, what are you talking about?

ARES
War, baby! Come on. You were hot for it before.

Ares takes a step towards her, but Xena stops him.

XENA
Ares, there's not going to be any war.

He takes her hand.

ARES
Oh, you are such a kidder. No war.

He starts to walk out and brushes against Gabrielle.

ARES
Don't touch me.

He leaves.

GABRIELLE
He has lost his mind.

XENA
Maybe he had a push in that direction.

GABRIELLE
The Furies?

XENA
I'd bet on it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares steps out of the tent. Alecto and the other Furies are waiting, still disguised as Xena, Gabrielle and Eve.

ALECTO
What took you so long? We were getting antsy.

ARES
I thought-

ALECTO
Don't think, it's time to fight.

TISIPHONE
Death to the Amazons.

Xena shoves the soldiers aside as she and Gabrielle exit Ares' tent.

ARES
Now you're talkin'. Death to the Amazons!

The soldiers cheer.

XENA
Ares.

ALECTO
Come on. Get moving!

Ares looks from Xena to Alecto.

XENA
Ares.

Alecto appears in front of Xena, facing Ares.

ALECTO
Come on, Ares. Give the order. Let's go kill them all!

ARES
(to soldiers) Let's go. Let's kill them all!

EXTRAS
Yeah!

The soldiers cheer. Alecto disappears.

EXTRA
Let's walk.

GABRIELLE
It's the Furies, all right.

XENA
We've got no time to lose. Let's go.

Xena and Gabrielle run. Ares' army moves out.

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Xena and Gabrielle walk along a mountain ledge and watch the army march.

XENA
There. Let's head 'em off at the pass.

Xena throws her chakram which causes an avalanche at the pass. They are blocked. Xena catches her chakram.

EXTRA
Avalanche!

GABRIELLE
It's not gonna hold 'em for long.

EXTRA
I need Tyrus, Nikos, Maximus, Dryus, over there.
Start clearing those rocks.

XENA
Let's get back to the Amazon village. Warn 'em.

They leave.

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Hospital. Eve wipes the blood from a cut on her leg. Varia enters.

VARIA
(to Amazon nurse) How is she?

She takes an injured Amazon's arm.

VARIA
Kayla.

EXTRA
Sister.

Varia moves to Eve.

VARIA
You all right?

EVE
Yeah.

VARIA
You took care 'a my sister Amazons before you
took care'a yourself. Thank you.

EVE
My wound was a small one.

Varia sees a scar on Eve's leg.

VARIA
That old scar's a bad one. Take a look at this.

Shows Eve a large scar on her shoulder.

EVE
Wow.

VARIA
A Roman short sword. The man who did it, died
before he had time to wipe his blade.

EVE
Hm-m.

She shows Varia a scar on her back.

EVE
Gaelic spear. The man who did it, his entire
regiment, his village and two neighboring villages;
destroyed before the sun went down.

VARIA
I was right, you were a serious warrior. Don't you
miss it? I mean, the knot in your stomach as you
prepare for war?

EVE
The quiet after a tough battle.

VARIA
(whisper) Yeah.

EVE
Victory snatched from the jaws of defeat, death
so close, then suddenly driven away.

Varia nods.

EVE
No, I don't miss it.

VARIA
Will you teach me some moves?

EVE
Will you use them to hurt others?

VARIA
For defense only

EVE
Okay.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Outside. Eve watches Varia defeat another Amazon. The Amazon leaves and Eve faces her.

EVE
Very good. You're a natural.

VARIA
Thanks. Come on. Show me another one.

EVE
No, I can't.

VARIA
Admit you enjoyed teaching me that.

EVE
It was all right.

VARIA
Then one more. Your best move.

EVE
Okay. Say you're being charged by two lines of
infantry, and you don't have the angle to flip over
them? You do this.

Eve runs at her. She grabs Varia's shoulders and flips over her.

EVE
Yah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!

Eve lands, puts her foot on Varia's back and then throws Varia over her. Eve turns to face Varia.

EVE
See, that'll putchya right-

Varia holds her sword at Eve's throat. All the Amazons have stopped and are looking at them.

VARIA
I've only seen one warrior do that move. I knew I
recognized you from someplace. You're Livia, the
bitch of Rome.

END OF ACT TWO



ACT THREE

Xena and Gabrielle enter the Amazon village.

EXTRA
Flay her alive!

EXTRA
It's time to die, bitch!

XENA
What now?

GABRIELLE
Maybe they're getting their spirits up.

Xena and Gabrielle can see Eve. She has a collar around her neck, with ropes attached to it that several Amazons hold. They pull her this way and that towards the spears that are held by other Amazons around the circle. Several Amazons yell.

EXTRA
We have her!

XENA
Hold it! Get out of here!

Xena shoves Amazons aside. They stop, but several hold arrows on Xena.

XENA
Cut her free!

MARGA
Can't do that, Xena.

XENA
You take on Eve, you take on me.

VARIA
Good. It was you who brought her into our village.

EVE
They know who I am Mother.

XENA
We don't have time for this. Ares' army is advancing.
You're completely outnumbered. So if you wanna
save what's left of the Amazon nation, you'll flee now.

VARIA
Your daughter, Xena? She is the reason we are
so few in numbers.

MARGA
Her army attacked us at night and many of our
best warriors were killed.

VARIA
They were the lucky ones.

GABRIELLE
Lucky to die?

XENA
Eve?

EVE
The Amazons I captured, I sold into slavery.

VARIA
Now she must pay.

MARGA
Our law says Eve must die.

Xena takes a step forward, but Gabrielle stops her.

GABRIELLE
I can't let that happen Marga.

MARGA
Are you challenging me?

GABRIELLE
If it comes to that, I am challenging you.

MARGA
That Roman did save my life, and we do need
Xena. We'll wait until after this is resolved before
we deal with her.

XENA
Get out of the way.

Xena shoves past them.

VARIA
After what she did to our sisters?! She deserves-

MARGA
Varia! Obey me!

Xena takes the collar off of Eve.

MARGA
Take her to the hut and bind her! Now!

Varia takes Eve away.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eve is tied to a pole. Varia holds a sword to her throat.

VARIA
Mommy won't save you this time.

EVE
If that's my destiny, so be it.

Xena enters.

XENA
That sword had better be for Ares' men. What
Eve did to your people is unforgivable, but she
is my daughter. And if anything happens to her
while she's in your custody, you'll have me to
deal with. And trust me...you ain't ready for that.

Varia leaves.

XENA
Eve. Eve, sweetheart, why didn't you tell us?

EVE
I couldn't. I know how much the Amazons mean
to both of you.

XENA
Did you think we would love you less?

EVE
What I did was unforgivable. You said so yourself.
If only they knew how sorry I am.

XENA
I know how hard it is to say you're sorry. Especially
to someone you love.

She turns and faces Gabrielle.

XENA
Gabrielle, when I hit you with my chakram-

GABRIELLE
Xena, it wasn't your fault. It was the Furies. They
drove me to try to kill your daughter. I've forgiven
you. You should too.

XENA
I nearly lost you.

GABRIELLE
But you didn't, and now the Furies are back.

XENA
Only this time, we've gotta take 'em out.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
The soldiers work to clear the rocks from the pass.

ARES
Faster! Faster! Come on, come on, come on,
come on. Come on! Faster! Come on, come on.

Alecto appears as Xena.

ARES
Come on, come on, come on. Come on.

ALECTO
What's the matter? Can't get your rocks off?

ARES
What?

ALECTO
It's embarrassing.

ARES
What?

ALECTO
I don't think you deserve to be a god Ares.

ARES
Xena you don't mean that.

ALECTO
Oh, but I do. I do. You see you're a pathetic mortal
who couldn't think his way out of a papyrus sack. Uh.

Alecto bites her lip in an amused grin. Ares' men can't see Alecto.

ARES
No. No, see, you can't talk that way to me anymore,
because if it wasn't for me-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e! Your
little friend and your crazed brat'd be dead!

ALECTO
Wow, that's almost as pitiful as when you told me
you loved me. We had a good laugh about that one.

ARES
I'll kill you.

He draws his sword.

ALECTO
Kill me? You were barely a match for me when
you were a god.

ARES
Ah-h-h!

Ares attacks her and his men watch thinking he is attacking the air, since they cannot see Alecto. Alecto leaves. Ares faces his soldiers.

ARES
What are you lookin' at?! Don't look at me! What
are you lookin' at?! Do not look at me!

Xena enters.

XENA
Ares.

ARES
You! I knew I should never have trusted you.

XENA
Ares, it's the Furies. The Furies! Do ya hear
me?! They're driving you insane.

ARES
No, it is yo-o-o-o-o-o-ou who are driving me insane!

XENA
Come on Ares. Think about it. You were a god!
You know how the Furies work. Fight them Ares.
Fight them.

Ares sighs.

ARES
You don't bring me flowers anymore. No, you
hate me. You have always hated me! I tried to
give you Olympus! I tried to give you everything!
But you stabbed me in the back!

XENA
We just didn't want the same things.

ARES
Liar! You want it. You want the power but you're
too much of a coward to admit it. You took it all,
you betrayed me.

He laughs.

ARES
Laugh, come on. But you're not gonna live to enjoy it.

Ares lunges at her. Xena yells and flips over the rocks.

ARES
You're gonna die, Xena! You and those Amazons!

Xena leaves.

ARES
And anyone who gets in my way! 'Cause I will kill
you! I will kill you all!

END OF ACT THREE



ACT FOUR

The Amazons get ready for battle. Varia moves to Marga and they lock their arms together.

VARIA
To the death.

Xena and Gabrielle enter.

XENA
What's going on? Wait. Marga! Your warriors
can't beat Ares' army. You have to go now. Leave
'em to me.

MARGA
If we leave, we are nothing. We are nothing. Without
our land we are no longer Amazons.

XENA
You don't understand. Ares is insane! It's a fight you
can't win! You have to listen to me.

MARGA
No! Xena, you have no authority here. You brought
our mortal, enemy to our village. We don't trust
you. Amazons! Let's fight!

EXTRAS
Yeah-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h-h!

They move out.

EXTRA
Yeah!

EXTRA
Kill them!

GABRIELLE
Xena, they're lambs to the slaughter.

EXTRA
Go!

XENA
Not if I can help it.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares' army marches. The Amazons step before them. Marga steps out to the front of her army and Ares rides to the front of his on a black horse.

MARGA
You burned our forests! You murdered our sisters!
No more. We won't take another backward step.
You'll have to kill every last one of us.

ARES
And what'll I do the rest of the afternoon?

The soldiers snicker. Ares dismounts and draws his sword.

ARES
Now you know what I want woman. If you give it
to me, I might think about bein' nice.

XENA (voice-over)
A, la, la, la, la, la, sheee-ya!

Ares lowers his sword and rolls his eyes. Xena rides in. She dismounts and stands in front of him.

XENA
All right Ares. This is between you and me.

ARES
Yeah, yeah, Xena. Take a number. I'll get to you.

Xena kicks his sword from hands.

XENA
What's the matter God 'a War? You afraid of a girl?

EXTRA
No.

ARES
(snickers) You're kiddin' right?

Xena punches him and he falls down.

XENA
You're soft, like all the Olympians. You know I
killed all the others Ares, but maybe I stopped
too soon.

The Furies appear around Ares, though only he can see them.

TISIPHONE
She can't say those things.

MEGAERA
It's her fault, Ares. Kill her.

ALECTO
Yeah, kill her.

Alecto laughs. Everyone watches in confusion.

ARES
Shut up.

ALECTO (voice-over)
Kill her!

ARES
Shut up! Shut up!

ALECTO (voice-over)
Kill her.

ARES
Get away from me!

ALECTO (voice-over)
Kill her.

XENA
You're losing it. Oh and Ares, gods don't bleed.

The soldiers see the blood on Ares' lip.

XENA
Care to explain that to your loyal troops?

ARES
I'll tear you apart with my bare hands!

Ares runs at her, but Xena flips away. She mounts her horse.

ARES
Damn!

XENA
Hyah! Yah!

Xena rides off. Ares mounts his horse.

ARES
Hyah!

Ares rides off after her. The Amazons move towards Ares' confused soldiers.

MARGA
(whispering) Hah!

EXTRA
On your horse.

EXTRA
Retreat!

EXTRA
Retreat!

EXTRA
Retreat!

EXTRA
Retreat!

They run off and the Amazons cheer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena rides and Ares follows.

XENA
Yah! Yah!

ARES
Yah!

XENA
Yah!

ARES
Right behind ya, Xena!

XENA
Yah! Yah!

ARES
That's right, baby! I'm still here! Come on! Hyah!

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Eve is still tied to the pole. Someone enters.

EVE
Varia?

Gabrielle starts to untie her.

GABRIELLE
It's me. Look, we need your help. We don't have
much time. Grab these.

They gather up all the fur blankets.

GABRIELLE
Come on.

They leave.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Xena stops and looks down to see a pool frozen over with ice. She dismounts and moves to it. Ares rides up, dismounts and follows Xena.

ARES
Hey Xena! Where're ya goin?! I got som'in' for ya!

Xena stands near the pool.

ARES
Are you ready to die Xena?!

XENA
Been there, done that. Yah!

Xena throws her chakram. It misses Ares and bounces around the sides of the mountain before flying out of sight. Ares laughs and then sighs as he walks closer to Xena.

ARES
I tried, ya know? Real hard. And you know what?
I'm all tried out. So what am I saying here? I guess
I'm sayin'...it's over.

Ares punches Xena in the face. The two have a major fist fight. Xena punches him back and he falls, spitting blood out of his mouth.

ARES
Does this give you pleasure? Do you like this?!
You're like a snake! You're li-you're like--like one
of those three-headed dogs! I don't know what -
You're mean! If I could open you up I would show
people the mean inside you! And I will! I will!

He punches her.

ARES
Yeah!

He punches her again.

ARES
Yeah!

He punches her and sends her flying back onto the ice.

XENA
Uh! Uh-h-h-h!

Blood runs from Xena's nose.

ARES
Yeah! You are makin' this wa-a-a-ay too easy!

XENA
I'll try harder.

ARES
Oh, would you?

Xena punches him several times. Ares punches her several times in the face. Xena is bleeding from her mouth and nose and has a bruise on her cheek. She catches Ares' next punch that is coming for her face, but he punches in her the gut with his other fist. She catches his other fist.

XENA
You might be mortal Ares, but you will never be
a man.

ALECTO (voice-over)
Kill her. Kill her.

Ares yells and punches Xena. She goes flying back and lands in the freezing water.

ARES
A-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r! Huh?! You like that?! Speak up!
I--I--I can't hear you!

Xena has not risen from the water.

ARES
Xena-a-a-a-a-a! Where are you?

Xena floats to the surface, but she's trapped under the ice. Ares jumps in the water.

ARES
Don't hide from me. Don't you.

He moves to the ice and see her.

ARES
Oh, there you are. So beautiful.

XENA
(muffled) Ares!

ARES
I can't hear you. You tried to fool me. Me, the God
of War.

Xena dies.

ARES
Well, that is what you get Xena! That is what you
get! You were right! I am not a man! I am the
man, Xena-a-a!

He sighs. The Furies leave his head, Alecto snickering. The three of them appear on land and laugh.

ALECTO
You just killed your beloved Ares. How does it feel?

She laughs.

ALECTO
We have avenged the death of the Olympians. Now
the Furies will r-r-rule in their place. Yeah. Yeah.

They laugh. The chakram can be heard. The Furies turn to see the chakram and scream as it flies at them, cutting all their heads off. Ares looks at Xena.

ARES
(whispering) Xena. Xena!

Ares dives under the water. He gets Xena out from under the ice and rises with her in his arms.

ARES
Oh-h-h!

He carries her to the land, visual upset. He lays her on the ice and yells.

ARES
(whispering) I loved you, Xena.

Gabrielle and Eve run in.

GABRIELLE
Ares?!

They run over.

ARES
I killed her.

GABRIELLE
No, you didn't. Not yet. We just have to get her warm.

Eve and Gabrielle start to wrap Xena in the furs.

GABRIELLE
Her body drowned in cold water. Her organs are
still alive. Xena. Just keep her warm.

Eve holds Xena's hand.

EVE
Okay. Come on.

GABRIELLE
We just have to get her breathing. Xena? Come on.

Gabrielle gives Xena some air.

EVE
(whispering) Come on.

Gabrielle performs CPR.

EVE
(whispering) Wake up. Come on. You can do it,
you know?

GABRIELLE
Xena.

EVE
(sobbing) Please wake up.

Xena coughs up water and wakes up. Gabrielle holds her.

GABRIELLE
That's it. Yeah, you did it.

Xena catches the chakram.

GABRIELLE
Good plan.

Xena smiles and Gabrielle helps her up. Ares and Xena both have cuts and bruises on their faces.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Ares sits on a stump. Xena joins him.

XENA
Hey.

ARES
Mortality stinks, not to mention hurts.

XENA
Yeah it does sometimes.

Xena looks at his bruises.

ARES
You have got a wicked right jab.

XENA
Sorry about that.

ARES
Ah, it's not the end of the world. Who knows?
Maybe as a mortal I can experience something
I never could as a god.

XENA
Like what?

ARES
Like you.

XENA
You never give up, do you?

She kisses him.

ARES
Ow.

He laughs.

ARES
I guess I'm finally gettin' to ya.

XENA
You always got to me...but you were bad for me
Ares. You still are.

She starts to walk off.

ARES
Xena.

She stops.

ARES
Is there even a chance we could be together one
day? I don't know maybe, you know, one in a thousand?

XENA
More like one in a billion.

ARES
So you're sayin' there is a chance.

Xena chuckles and leaves. Ares tries to disappear.

ARES
I gotta stop tryin' that. I'm gonna rupture something.

He walks off.

END OF ACT FOUR

STARRING
Lucy Lawless as Xena
Lucy Lawless as Alecto
Renee O'Connor as Gabrielle
Renee O'Connor as Tisiphone

GUEST CAST
Kevin Smith as Ares
Adrienne Wilkinson as Eve
Adrienne Wilkinson as Megaera
Tsianina Joelson as Varia
Sela Apera as Marga
Antonio Te Maioho as Captain
Äsa Lindh as Alecto
Annmarie Dennis as Tisiphone
Smeta Chhoto as Megaera
Graham Lauder as Armorer

Written by: Melissa Good
Directed by: Mark Beesley

Disclaimer: Xena and Gabrielle's psyche were harmed during the making of this motion picture.